they always said
"dont get your hopes up"

what kind of life do you lead
if you can't appreciate every single day?
well guess what, over optimistic bullshit like that
won't work on me.
because there
are people out there
who don't have a choice

if i really do have a brain tumor
or something else fatal
growing on the back of my neck
in between my skull and my spine
then i'll maybe start living
the way i have always
wanted to.

that is one of the saddest
shittiest things
i have ever
thought
about