to some of
the last songs
you ever bothered
to send my way
and how
sweet
and honest
they would have been
if there had been
any legitimate feelings
behind any of them.
and how perfect
things would have been
if i had only really
known
you.
because without
the ability to
watch a smile form
right in front of your eyes-
well i guess, to you,
this meant nothing
at all.
but i'll go on
speaking in what i believe
to be clever
riddles filtered
with sanity.
even though
i have accepted
my fate
and my brother says
i'll find love when
i least expect it.
so maybe
i'll finally forget you
someday.
but i don't want that.
i just want things to
feel like they do
in my imagination:
you tell me
i remind you of
a mix between
audrey hepburn
and
regina spektor
and you kiss me
and i fall asleep
so easily -
entwined
in the warmth
of your arms.
oh but that wasn't my imagination;
it was your coked out heart
telling me everything i wanted to hear.
i'll tell you a secret:
the whole time i was with you
i barely felt a thing.
like a dream: emotionless-
until you wake up.
and suddenly it all dawns on you-
waves washing over your face.
i can remember everything
because it's the one of the
only good things
i have left to hold on to.
people who matter
don't just come into your life
and disappear forever.
you've been on so many road trips
without me
and that's how it is-
that's how it will be-
until life takes me away again.
because i don't get your laughter
and you won't ever get mine.
you won't ever find my eyes beautiful
again.
and i won't ever find you
honest again.
i say, i find you, good.
but what does that mean?
it means i have a problem
with forgetting to forget
good memories
attached to bad people.
sweet
dreams